A-maze-ing family :

Everything started with my preparation for Rena's wedding: I wanted to be polite, so hey, I thought, Dom you should at least know how to call her parents, grandma, etc. Result: Dom was caught (and lost) in the maze of various titles for different members of a Chinese family.

While in Switzerland I can pretty much get along with "brother", "sister", "mother", "father", "grandfather", "grandmother", "uncle", "aunt", "cousin", "niece" and "nephew" in China I need to know half a dictionary by heart in order to be considered half way polite. Thus: A great illustration, I think, of the importance attached to the family as social unit in China and a challenge for poor laowai such as me. So let me elaborate a bit:

Wo(3), which means as much as "I", have a di(4) di (younger brother), a jie(3) jie (older sister) and a mei(4) mei (younger sister), but no ge(1) ge, which would be an older brother. Would I have more brothers they would become da(4) ge(1) ge (the oldest brother), er(4) ge(1) ge, san(1) ge(1) ge, etc.. respectively (where er(4) is two/second, san(1) is three/third). I'm soon gonna have a -- ah well, I won't tell you yet.. ;) go bug Simone my beautiful and pregnant mei(4) mei for more information.. --. Well, if Simone gives birth to a boy then he would be my wai(4) sheng(1). If she gives birth to a girl, then I would be uncle of a wai(4) sheng(1) nü(3). While, lucky me, these titles stay the same for the son respectively daughter of Andrea, my jie(3) jie, I should beware of calling Krishna’s, my di(4) di’s, son wai(4) shen. Zhi(2) zi he is! Furthermore, only a slightly ignorant uncle with a bad memory would call his daughter wai(4) sheng(1) nü(3) instead of zhi(2) zi nü(3).

While mum (becomes ma(1) ma) and dad (ba(4) ba) are easy, things become tricky again if one wants to talk about one's uncles or aunties. Not only does one have to distinguish between the brothers of one's mother on one hand and those of ones father on the other, but also pay due respect to their age compared to ones ma(1) ma or ba(4) ba. Consequently ones father's younger brother (or ge(1) ge)) becomes one's shu(1) shu while the ge(1) ge of your ma(1) ma wants to be refered to as jiu(4) jiu. "Easy" when it comes to the title of your ma(1) ma 's di(4) di, as he is a da (4) jiu(4) jiu, hence almost the same as your ma(1) ma 's ge(1) ge. While the smart asses among us conclude: "ah, then logically my ba(4) ba 's ge(1) ge should be my da (4) shu(1) shu, as is my ba(4) ba 's di(4) di", are wrong. The latter wants to be called da(4) ye (and, to complicate things even more bo(2) fu (4) in the South of China)).

But, hey the fun of a big family reunion is not over yet, since there is no real family reunion without grandparents, right? While the ma(1) ma of my ma(1) ma wants to be referred to as lao(3) lao, the ma(1) ma of my ba(4) ba would only pass me the nice, fat red envelope if I called her nai(3) nai. Same game for my ba(4) ba 's ba(4) ba who would rather drink a bottle of baijiu straight than sharing all his cock-and-bull stories with me if I called him lao(3) ye - my ma(1) ma 's ba(4) ba - instead of ye(2) ye. So far so good? Well, wait until you meet your cousins.... ;) Well, let me spare you this one.. ;)

While thinking about the above mentioned and learning some of the titles by heart I thought: Actually the Chinese one child policy is not all that bad: one's memory is going to increasingly feel like on a holiday.. ;)

Not tired yet? Well, then let me add yet another (hillarious) example of family relations that may twist ones mind (but do wonders to avoid military service ;)). Unfortunately I've got it only in French, but http://translate.google.com/translate_t may be your friend:

Monsieur le Ministre de la Défense Nationale,

Permettez-moi de prendre la respectueuse liberté de vous exposer ce qui suit et de solliciter de votre bienveillance l'appui nécessaire pour obtenir une démobilisation rapide.

Je suis sursitaire, âgé de 24 ans, et je suis marié à une veuve de 44 ans, laquelle a une fille qui en a 25. Mon père a épousé cette fille.

A cette heure, mon père est donc devenu mon gendre, puisqu'il a épousé ma fille. De ce fait, ma belle-fille est devenue ma belle-mère, puisqu'elle est la femme de mon père.

Ma femme et moi avons eu en janvier dernier un fils. Cet enfant est donc devenu le frère de la femme de mon père, donc le beau-frère de mon père.
En conséquence, mon oncle, puisqu'il est le frère de ma belle-mère. Mon fils est donc mon oncle.

La femme de mon père a eu à Noël un garçon qui est à la fois mon frère puisqu'il est le fils de mon père, et mon petit-fils puisqu'il est le fils de la fille de ma femme. Je suis ainsi le frère de mon petit-fils, et comme le mari de la mère d'une personne est le père de celle-ci, il s'avère que je suis le père de ma femme, et le frère de mon fils. Je suis donc mon propre grand-père.

De ce fait, Monsieur le Ministre, ayez l'obligeance de bien vouloir me renvoyer dans mes foyers car la loi interdit que le père, le fils et le petit-fils soient mobilisés en même temps.

Dans la croyance de votre compréhension, veuillez recevoir, Monsieur le Ministre, l'expression de mes sentiments les meilleurs.

Trop fort! Merci Olivier!!

PS: I know, I've been a lazy bastard (or "shithouse" as Mishie, charming as ever, called me) lately and did not share all that many thoughts and experiences recently. I promise to do so soonish! However, if you feel like already glancing at my first Chinese wedding (including a drunken groom), the digital scavenger hunt with my ExoMates (including externals as exotic as my parents and brother), the fantastic time I spent with my dad, mum and Krishna in Beijing and Yunnan (including a Tibetan feast and some Naxi tunes), the adventurous 14 days with a dragon and an angel (well, almost) I spent in Xinjiang (including two of my favourite nomads, Martin and Steppel, as well as a somewhat "green" driver), the drinking, sleeping, drinking weekend I spent with great friends in Dalian (including a stayover on a warship and a somewhat martial alarm clock), and and and... then you can click here and turn to the respective sets.

Abrazote!