Dom vs./ likes China

In his "Tâo Te Ching" Lao Tze (“the father of Taoism”) writes :

"We look at it, and we do not see it, and we name it 'the Equable'. We listen to it, and we do not hear it, and we name it 'the Inaudible'. We try to grasp it, and do not get hold of it, and we name it 'the Subtle'. With these three qualities, it cannot be made the subject of description; and hence we blend them together and obtain The One."

I might be slightly modifying the original message Lao-Tze intended to transmit at the help of these lines – since he probably had rather the course according to which the visible phenomena take place, incognisable by human sense and capable of only approximate description by terms appropriate to what is within the domain of sense (actually pretty close to Platon's "Eternal Ideas”, right?) than a being, culture or country in his mind - when I say that China is (largely) to me what Lao Tze describes as "The One".

I feel it, I perceive it, I react to it but I do neither grasp nor understand it. Sometimes this constant feeling of incomprehension suddenly turns into something like repulsion. During these moments I have the feeling that I've seen enough so as to repulse what I claim to "know", reject it, correct it, rant, shout “this can’t be it!!!”, aaaaaaaahhh, etc, etc...

Last Sunday I was in one of these situations, which are (at least for me until now) as rare as they are intense. It was a nasty potion composed of:

• The feeling not to understand and still being far away from understanding
  
• The (deceiving) feeling to know enough so as to legitimately reject “the whole thing” while, simultaneously, being aware of the fact that I couldn’t actually change what I was rejecting.
  
• A pinch of physical and psychological exhaustion and some small but coinciding disappointments

Result: A pretty decent BANG! I aired the whole shit, let it out and Echo, my roomie, was the unlucky person that was closest to me at this moment… she got it all...

So what made me run into this situation in China? And how to flippin’ deal with / avoid such situations? I guess one of the basic factors is one that connects the two questions: The way to go about things, lead my life and potentially make sense of the unknown - “The One”. Chinese ideology prays it, and numerous Chinese live it day by day: Take things as they are. If the wind blows, the grass has to bend, otherwise it breaks. Or “doing nothing and yet doing all things". This somewhat passive way is probably one thing that really clashes with my sometimes quite rationalistic nature, my restlessness, my at times rather unhealthy urge to actively look for understanding and my wish to understand things rather yesterday than today.. It’s this DESIRE to know that makes me probably push too hard, that makes me restless, impatient, sometimes bitter.. Even though I believe that I can and should learn quite a bit from Taoism in this respect, I failed to do so at this moment. "Who can (make) the muddy water (clear)? Let it be still, and it will gradually become clear." Shit, I just couldn’t wait so long…

Another thing that really struck, strikes and is likely to continue striking me is the role of emotion in daily life here. While not all Chinese (please forgive me this generalisation which I actually and normally reject) behave like the sage described by He Yai, an ancient Chinese philosopher, meaning that “the sage do not have joy, anger, grief or happiness” they still are at least closely related to this sage… While I’m aware of the fact that emotion holds some dangers and risks, I’m still kind of addicted to it, especially after my time in Colombia, which I enjoyed so much partly for the very fact that people there express their emotion so freely. And here again, why do / did I freaking compare, since I am actually aware that comparisons are most frequently a source of discontent? Simply because I felt like it??

Well then, I dealt with it. At first, actually already on Saturday, with kind of a shock therapy: I walked through the streets, earphones on and listening to some Salsa, Merengue and some songs that clearly fall in the category of “musica para planchar” (music to listen to while ironing (for it’s cheesy, “tearjerk-ish” tune and texts ;). But hey, it made me smile, dance and even sing in the streets. I loved it, not only but especially for its somewhat surreal character.. it was as if I wanted to somewhat defiantly shout and show that "this is how it should be!!!!" (silly, but it definitely helped :)

It was also great to have people around who would actually take the shit and return it in just the right dose. And people that noticed that something was wrong and contributed not only by sharing their personal experiences but also by the mere fact that they noticed and acted upon. And then there were the amazing, constantly “wise” persons, who’s comments you wouldn’t want to accept at this moment since they act like a freaking mirror and seem to get it straight (meaning they mention the toughest, but likely to be the most effective solution to the problem. Which, however is exactly the one you were actually about to escape from / avoid for the very reason that it is the toughest, most complicated one). Echosita, BjØrn and Aidita: Thank you!

Well, then. Dom is up and kickin’ again and more than ready to continue, since, as paradoxical this may sound: it’s exactly during this kind of moments (well, may be shortly after them) that I notice that I’m currently at the right place! :)